Holland is a small country in Europe accepting many refugees and people emigrating from 'difficult' countries. Like many modern countries it also has many city nomads. Most Dutch speak some English. This story is about two of those nomads, one Dutch, one French. Their addiction is not drugs, but TV, and then especially the series Twin Peaks, which was very popular some years ago.

"Where you from?"

"Paree."

"Paree?"

"Oui. Paree. Tu le sais. You know. Tour d'Eiffel?"

"Ah, the Eiffel Tower! Of course. But I don't speak French. Too difficult."

"Well, I speak English. A beet. Where you stay?"

"Here and there. Nothing permanent. You?"

"No 'ome. Just arrived 'ere. Better than Paree. Too crowded, you know."

"Yes, I know."

"You were there?"

"Huh, no. But I was in Brussels. Crowded too."

"Well, yes. Same as Amsterdam, I think. Stinky and much violence. Not so good. This town better. Nice people. They give some money and they let you look."

"Look?!"

"Television. Don't you like it? Looking television?"

"Well, only some programmes. Not all. I like Twin Peaks, but I can't see it always. I missed some parts."

"Twin Peaks! You too?! Me also. I like it very much. I've seen all the parts. Tonight there's another one. At seven."

"Yes, I know. You can look it at the Salvation Army's house. But you have to arrive there in the afternoon and stay for the night. They close at nine. Only regulars stay. Nine is too early for me. So I missed a lot of parts. Where do you go to look?"

"At people's 'ouses."

"At people's houses? You know someone who lets you in to look?"

"They all let you look. They are sitting on their sofas, looking at Twin Peaks. Well, some of them, not all, and they let you look. Sometimes they're even fondling each other and still you can go on looking. You see this 'ere? A nice pair of field glasses, aren't they? Found them last year on the beach. Verry strrong. So I don't 'ave to stay too close to their windows. Convenient, because many 'ave front gardens. But even if they don't 'ave I prefer to stay a beet away.

So I use my field glasses. Verry convenient. I can look at the 'ole part undisturbed. Only, sometimes, I would like to 'ave a chair. My feet get tired after 'alf an hour. You want to look this evening? Come with me and use my field glasses once in a while."

"That's very vet."

"Sorry?"

"I mean great. But you have to fill me in about the other parts. I missed some of them. I don't know how far it has come now."

"That's no problem. I know them by 'eart. I can tell you while we're walking. I'm going to the central square. To make some money. I'm 'ungry. Nice people there. Many pubs. Nice people. Give nice money."

"But many there are young ones. They don't give a damn."

"I've been there in a pub with many older people. By now they'll all be drunk. They'll give much. Many damns. I only 'ave to sink some French songs. Love songs. And afterwards kiss some older ladies. Not difficult. Only keep my nose shut. Much parfum, you know. Cheap perfume. But nice people. Last week I made fifteen guilders in one hour. And they gave me beer. Much beer. I went out drunk and then I 'ad difficulty looking Twin Peaks with a clear eye. I thought my field glasses 'ad been broken. But it was due to the beer. So come with me if you like to. Can you sink? Dutch love songs?"

"Huh, no. I have a bad voice and we don't have many songs. Not really many love songs. I know some English songs. But not all the words. Only some of them. In Dutch I only know some Santa Claus songs."

"Ah, Jingle Bells. Verry good."

"No, not that. Our Santa Claus is different. He's a bishop and he arrives on the fifth of December. Then we sing songs in front of the fireplace in honor of Sinterklaas, as we call him, and then we get presents."

"The fireplace?! 'ow many 'ave fireplaces? Almost never I see them, when looking Twin Peaks."

"Well, if there isn't one we sing in front of the radiator of the central heating."

"Strange people you are. Sinking in front of the radiator and looking television in the evening with wide open curtains. But fine for me. I can look Twin Peaks undisturbed. Verry quietly. Verry nice. Ah, there it is. The pub I've told you about. Come."

"Okay, but I will not sing. My voice, you know."

"No problem. You collect the money while I sink. Okay?"

"Okay." "I'm wet! Completely soaked! They threw beer over me while I collected money and you were singing. Did you see?"

"Of course, but I could not stop. I 'ad to go on. Otherwise they would 'ave stopped givink money and would 'ave thrown me out. You understand, yes?"

"Well, maybe you're right, but nonetheless I'm soaked. Cold too. In this condition I can't go on to look Twin Peaks. Almost an hour in the open. I'll freeze to death."

"Well, we still 'ave more than an hour. We can go to the Salvation Army and change clothes. It's not far from 'ere. And we 'ave money for food. 'ow much?"

"Huh, almost thirty guilders, I think."

"Thirty! You see! You don't 'ave to sink. Just let them throw you wet with beer and they start givink money. Ah, we're almost there. 'and me the money, so they won't find out we 'ave some."

"This is the street I told you about. A nice street, don't you think? Nice 'ouses, nice people. We're lucky it's dark, so we can look it better. I think in summer it's more difficult to look. And we're lucky you found those chairs too. Now we can sit and look at it relaxed."

"Well, found is not the correct word, I think. They were standing in front of a pub and I took them. We don't call that found. The owner will be angry when he finds out. Perhaps he even will call the police."

"Will they take action because of two small plastic chairs?"

"Well, no, I think not."

"Okay then. So let's enjoy the show. That one 'ouse there? Okay? 'ere we can sit. Only a garage be'ind us. So we trouble no one. You want a swig of the wine? Apéritif? You'll be warm by it."

"Why, you see? That man there's coming out of 'is 'ouse. 'ee's looking at us. Why would 'ee do that for?"

"Be quiet! It's so exciting. She's trying to steal the diary. Oh, my God, he's looking. He knows, I think. O, my God! Her friend tries to divert his attention. Oh Jesus!"

"Well, ee's going back into 'is 'ouse now. 'ee closes the door. There 'ee's again in 'is room. 'ee walks to the sofa."

"Does he touches the curtains? He won't close them, will he? Oh God, it's so exciting. Don't let him close the curtains."

"No, 'ee's sitting down again on the sofa, next to 'is wife. 'ee's leaning over 'is wife. 'ee grabs... No, not 'is wife. 'ee grabs the telephone. Quickly, tell me, what's 'appenink on the telly? 'as she stolen the diary?"

"Don't you speak English? Where's the other one? Where come those chairs from? Your papers!"

"Je ne le comprend pas, monsieur le policier. Je ne parle pas l'Anglais. Je m'excuse."

"Papers! What are you doing here on the sidewalk? You can't just sit here and look into other people's houses. You're a tourist? Here you have your papers back. But you have to move, away from here. We've got a complaint. And leave those chairs behind."

"Bien, bien, monsieur le policier. Merci beaucoup. Bonsoir."

"Dammit, I missed the end! Why had that moron to call the police? Just ten minutes more and I would have seen the whole part. What did they say to you? Something about the chairs?"

"I only 'ad to leave them be'ind. They were very friendly. In France... Well, we 'ad just some bad luck. Per'aps because there were two of us. Per'aps next week we better look alone. Select different 'ouses."

"And better not to sit on the sidewalk, I think. Maybe it's better to look for houses without front gardens. Just stand against the house and aside from the window, so they won't see you in the open. I just can't wait to see the next part. Damned pity I missed the last ten minutes."

"There must be someone 'oo 'as it on videotape."

"That will do us no good. You can't ring the doorbell and ask if they will let you see the last ten minutes of Twin Peaks. Do you think they'll say: 'Well, yes, please, come in and would you like to have a nice cold glass of beer?' You think so?! Are you crazy?!"

"No, but you can call someone. All of them 'ave their names onto the doors. You only 'ave to call them and say: 'Good evening, I'm from the Twin Peaks fan club. We 'ave a contest this evening with very nice prizes. Like a colourful book about the making of Twin Peaks. Do you look at the series regularly? Did you look this evening? Do you remember exactly what 'appened in the last ten minutes? No, you may take twenty minutes to think it over. Then I will call back and ask you two questions. Yes, in twenty minutes. Try 'ard please.' And I bet that if they look regularly they record it every week. So we only 'ave to find a place with a phone and a phone book and some regular lookers in the vicinity. We write down several names and then look up their phone numbers and call them. If one is a regular looker and says so, certainly 'ee will start to review the tape before the twenty minutes are over. So the only think we 'ave to do then is run to 'is 'ouse and watch those last ten minutes from the sidewalk. With a beet of luck we will find one in less than ten tries. You know now what to say when they answer the phone? You think you can do it?"

"Yes! Of course! Of course! Let's go!"

Frans Tooten, is a Father of 2, Husband of 1, Profession no. 13. He has for some years now been trying to make a living by writing. The commercial side is foremost, but in-between he love's to write the short stories and lyrics. Humor is a tool he likes to use most often. Don't we all like to have a laugh or two? It's good for your intestines. Moreover, he thinks Life is a joke, even when you feel it as a yoke..