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Ruff, woof, bark, ruff, woof. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a dog. I couldn't tell that you weren't a dog; you have so much hair that you could have been a longhaired Cocker Spaniel. My name is Sandy Birkett. I'm a male Lhasa Apso. I own four pets: Barry, Kathy, Christina, and Matthew. They each treat me in a different way in their own unique and special style.
Before I elaborate about my pets, I should tell you a little bit about me! My name is Sandy because of my appearance. If you've ever lounged on Miami's sandy beaches then you know what color I am. At least, you do if you can remember what color the beaches were. Coincidently, I was born in Miami. Ironic, isn't it? Most of the day, I have the house completely to myself. Well, almost completely. There's one exception, an annoying parakeet that my pet Matthew insists on keeping. I get to do whatever I want during my peaceful, lazy days. I am really into the television shows "The Price is Right" and "General Hospital". Sometimes HBO and Starz will have a good movie showing, but most of the time, they don't. Right now, HBO has one of my favorite movies playing, My Dog Skip. On clear and sunny days, I have to turn the volume up loud so I can hear my program over the music that comes blasting into the house from across the street where there is some construction going on. The people building the houses listen to songs and radio stations that my second favorite pet, Christina, does not. She is studying during the days that she leaves me all alone in some place called a school. The songs are also in a language that I've never heard before, unless Christina is studying, which is also rare. I am really starting to like the songs, "Bailamos" and "Cuiado Con Mi Corizon". Even though I don't know what the words mean, I think that the beat is so good that I just get up off the sofa and start dancing around the house beating my tail to the beat.
Okay, enough about me, let's talk about how my pets treat me. But the question is with whom should I start? I think that I'll start by talking about Barry, then Kathy, then Christina, and lastly, Matthew. So, I guess I'll start--here goes!
Barry, hmm, what to say? Well, I guess that the best thing I could say is that he feeds me, after feeding himself and the other pets. Sometimes when he cooks breakfast in the mornings on Sundays, he'll feed me whatever he happens to be cooking. My three favorites are pancakes, waffles, and French Toast. That's just one of the things we do together. There are many more. Another thing we do is play around together. We mostly play fight. When we fight, we both growl and bark at each other. Just like real dogs do! He can be fun sometimes.
One thing that Barry does that I don't like is when he punishes me. Since he's so much taller than I am, he is very scary. I come halfway up to his shin. He punishes me when I accidentally leave a mess on the bathroom floor at night. What do he and Kathy expect me to do? The chain I'm on doesn't exactly reach my bathroom. And I am most certainly not going to do my business in my bed! He also punishes me when I lose control and eat food from the garbage can. Boy, when the garbage can smells so good, I just forget.
Barry still loves me even though I do make him mad a lot. Ask him! He'll tell you that I'm a lazy mutt. Then he would probably tell you that I'm okay, for a dumb dog. I'm not really sure what that means, but onto my other pet, Kathy.
If you asked Kathy what she thinks of me, she'd tell you that I'm a stinky, smelly, poopy mutt. She calls me a poopy mutt because sometimes I have accidents and don't make it to the bathroom in time, therefore my mess ends up on the stairs. I can't help it! I can't reach the doorknob to the bathroom, or the one to open the door to outside. Then she gets mad because she has to clean it up off the stairs. She ends up forgiving me because I'm just a "dumb dog." But she's still my favorite pet out of my four. I follow her everywhere because she is just so gosh darn nice. She's so nice because she feeds me treats from my personal cupboard. I can smell the treats inside if I poke my nose in just right. She gives me treats a lot especially when we are the only one's in the house. Another thing that she does that I like is brush me. She uses my favorite brush with the prickly things that make my skin goose bumpy. When she's done, I look so pretty. But somehow the brush job doesn't last very long. I think it's because I play and roll around on the floor so much trying to get in just the right position. Other days, Kathy and I will go outside in the backyard and play ring around the pecan tree. But I don't really like to play that game as much because I end up getting wound up around the pecan tree because of my long leash. I need that blasted rope because my yard doesn't have a fence. When she is unwinding me, she doesn't have much trouble because I'm not as short compared to her than I am compared to Barry. On Kathy, I come to just above her kneecaps. She has an easy time reaching me because I'm more within reach for her than any of my other pets. Maybe that's why she likes to stroke my fur more than the others.
Compared to Christina, I come to just below her kneecaps. She has a little bit of a hard time unwinding me when I decide to play with her around the pecan tree. Some of the other games that Christina and I like to play are: catch, Monopoly, and tug-of-war. Of course when we play Monopoly, she ends up winning because she's better than me at that game. I don't mind letting her win, it makes her feel good so I play along. But when we play tug-of-war, I always win. She's so much fun to play with! I like it best when she gives me food that she knows she's not supposed to like: bread, pop tarts, ham, cheese, and doughnuts. (Maybe that's why I have accidents on the stairs.) Anyway, one of the other things Christina and I do together is watch television. Of course she picks what we watch, but I don't mind that much. She picks music channels and sings to them. I like listening to her sing, she does it very well. Sometimes I'll ever join her and we sing together. Unfortunately, Matthew's silly bird wants to sing with us too and he gets very loud! That's all I can think of to say about Christina. So I guess I'll move onto the last pet I own, Matthew.
Matthew is the youngest of my pets. He and I play some, but mostly we just lounge around the living room together. When we do play, we roll the ball around or we play golf. He hits the ball, and I chase after it. When I'm really playful, I don't return the ball but I make Matthew chase after it. On weekday mornings, after he says good morning to me with a big hug, Matthew likes to watch television before Kathy takes him to the bus stop. Together we watch whatever Matthew finds on television. Mostly the channel is on Disney or Cartoon Network. The shows they air make me laugh. Our favorite is CatDog on Nickelodeon, he does some crazy things. They also make Matthew laugh. If you were to ask Matthew about me, he'd tell you that I'm his little brother. I don't mind being called his brother even though I'm really not sure what that's supposed to mean. Matthew sometimes feeds me dinner. On these days, he's my special bud. He's the shortest of all my pets, I only come about halfway up to his thigh. Hmm, I think that covers all my pets.
Each and every one of my pets treats me in their own special and unique way. Barry mostly punishes me. Kathy gives me treats. Christina and I play and sing a lot. And Matthew and I watch television. Each in their own way they love me. Together they give me what any dog wants, everything his heart desires. They are both slaves and friends wrapped up in the same people. They do whatever I want them to, and I do what they want me to, sometimes.
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